When I left Cleveland after my one day visit and was headed for Vegas, I encountered . . .
So I am in Cleveland and I'm just trying to catch a flight like everyone else. With the new security procedures that I always seem to be "randomly" checked and fondled, I arrive at the airport two friendly hours in advance (because I look like a terrorist, right?). The guard runs that little magic wand over my tummy and it beeps. The guard now looking at me, puzzled and confused, I have to open the front fo my skirt to show them I don't have a gun on my person or in mu underwear and it is simply the button on my skirt. The guard still remains puzzled (hmmm, maybe I swallowed the gun, do you think?).
Checking my bag at 3pm, I wait patiently eating carrots and brocolli. 5pm, a.k.a. my departure time, rolls around and an announcement comes over the PA system, "Passengers flying to Las Vegas will be delayed until 730pm. We are having mechanical difficulties." You've got more than mechanical difficulties chief. This mechanical mishap just cost 150 passengers 3 hours of gambling time and their isn't a slot machine in sight.
I waited in a line of 36 people trying to receive my vouture only to get to the front of the line and have the computer systems crash and once again be rerouted to another area to pick up my vouture (translates to: all people too lazy to get in line the first time now jumped up and became the first in line . . . leaving me standing at the end growling, now 40 people ahead of me. That was not exactly sitting well with the carrots in my stomach.
After receiving a vouture and heading over to the Presidents Club to have a glass of wine ( or four) and work on the computer, holi frizoli, why did all the lights just go out? What is that noise? It would appear someone had decided to pull the fire alarm and now the door to the Presidents Club is closed and locked. Did I mention I was standing on the wrong side of the door?
I'm thinking it is not a good idea to get on the plane. After all this, who needs another "sign" not to?
Finally, after making myself as comfortable as one can be in airport seating for an hour, the doors opened and I arrived on the right side of the door. Leather seating, complimentary drinks and food, internet connections, telephones, a big screen tv and someone to tell me when my flight is ready for real.
Maybe I'll just hang out here instead.
TIME PASSED.
"Passengers flying to Las Vegas will be delayed until 900pm."
Wish granted.
"The plane coming from Houston to take passengers to Las Vegas turned around and went back to Houston due to bad weather. Please be patient."
And so I was patient, a patient in need of anger management.
Needless to say, I arrived in Las Vegas safely by midnight after another delay. I made it, limbs and all.
