Monday, August 03, 2009

Who is Nicole McClain?

Fitness and Artist Model Nicole McClain

All these promises that we make and we break...why is it that you think people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, I mean what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything...the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying... "Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness."

I like standing outside waiting for the storm to come in and catching the rain in teapots (seriously). Sunshine through lots of windows makes me smile. I love animals and I'm a sucker for punching anyone who is mean to them. I think people who make fun of other people deserve to lose an eyeball or some other important body part (maybe a reproductive organ?). Hopefully someday my reproductive organs will produce small persons of my own (insert prayer here) because I want to be the best mom next to my own and I pray everyday for the Lord to bless my family (pets included), friends, and loved ones.

Romance gets me everytime although it doesn't happen often enough and while precedents can be one of the greatest things you ever set, they can also be the most destructive landslides ever begun. I love it when my face hurts from laughing and I plan on blaming any and all wrinkles on that factor. I'm convinced there are illegal addictive stimulants in McDonald's coffee, that men design women's restrooms, pumpkins should be carved twice a year, and fancy underwear are worth every penny.

I'm sentimental to the point it's dangerous and my heart thinks it can fix the impossible. I believe men should be given flowers, women deserve to be adored and fancied, greeting cards should be scented with perfume, and everyone deserves a blanket with silky edges. Pride destroys relationships, stubbornness has bitten me in the @ss, bug bites still hurt me, and I've learned some of the healthiest things are some of the most disgusting things I've ever tasted (next to radionuclide of course).

Weak people are the ones who delight in showing you how weak you are while strong people are the ones who delight in showing you how strong you are. Favors or pardons should never expect something in return and manipulation comes from a callous and malicious heart. If it's a character flaw you need to work on, don't practice on me. Don't mistake my kindness for weakness and please leave your hypocrisy at home. People who copy off of you are just jealous they didn't think of it first and people who try half-@ssed deserve exactly that. Push me down but know I'll fall with my fists swinging and karma will be more of a b*tch to you than I could ever try to be. If you hurt, exploit the privacy of, or abuse me or my loved ones, I'll realize in due time to eject you from my inner circle of happiness.

I'm awesome with a crayon, terrible with wheat, hate paper bags, love hopelessly, play aggressively, sleep lightly, scare easily, quit painfully, shoot impeccably, eat healthfully, exercise regularly, sterilize excessively and when in doubt I say paint it black. My heart says you can miss someone just by the sight of their empty shoes by the door and I crave to be loved for my fantastics and my flaws. Details overload my brain, squares make me happy, and children make me laugh hysterically.

Working out needs to be a part of a relationship rather than a supplement for one. Marriage is taken too lightly, divorce is used too frequently, and I think everyone should try therapy more often. Adoption is for those with hearts from God and a "Mom" or "Dad" is anyone who can love a child as their own. I try relentlessly to make others' "firsts" come true, believe in second chances, and think every person should own camouflage and hunter orange.

People spend too much time on the computer and when Armageddon begins, most won't realize unless it comes in the form of an email. Everyone should have to struggle to pay the bills at least once and relationships are worth fighting for and crying over. Friends who bring flowers should be mailed thank you cards and people who share secrets and don't mind their own business should be exposed naked on the Internet.

I hope God can forgive me of my sins as well as the people I share my life with. I plan on asking God why spiders have to look so creepy, why life has to be so short, why my parents can't live forever, and why the love of our life has to leave. I think my future spouse and I should be the only ones who know about the cabins in Lake Tahoe (I just ruined that secret didn't I? CRAP). I think the word 'CRAP' sounds funny if you say it right and the word 'PORK' is profane. Too many people have too many sexual partners, I wish drugs weren't so readily available and I pray for forgiveness when people use the Lord's name in vain.

Texting should only be used to send love notes during the day and everyone should experience the unconditional love of a dog. If Pilot ever stops making V5 Ultra Fine pens I'll never write again, not that anyone could read my eclectic handwriting anyway. I hope to be remembered as someone who made others feel loved and made their lives special for more reasons than one (or at least one really good one). I want to know how I can be better at everything I do, why windchimes aren't at every street corner, when it will snow in the summer, why meteor showers don't happen more often, and where the heck I left my keys.

The love of a family is a gift no one should have to live without and a good rocking chair is hard to find. Children should believe it matters what they think, a beautiful smile is a bonus, colored toilet paper can cause problems, and having someone give in when they shouldn't can save everything. I can sum up everything I've learned about life in three words: life goes on (what did you think I was going to say? Victoria's Secret Rules?).

Nicole McClain's Music of the Moment: Anything by Buckcherry